


is this really the borderline?

by frogchorus



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: 1970s, Internal Thoughts, Longing, M/M, New York, Phone Calls, Regrets, Scotland, Yearning, angst kinda, but no action yet, i dont write i read but here u go i guess, i havent written in 5 years, kinda a fix it, mentions of the breakup, nobody speaks to each other bc theyre idiots but thats well established
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22242070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogchorus/pseuds/frogchorus
Summary: The world's most famous partnership had broken up, going their separate ways, starting families with their wives. Both of them hold many regrets, and yet neither is willing to take the first step to change it, despite their hearts telling them to do so.
Relationships: John Lennon/Paul McCartney, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in late 1971/Early 1972. I've been thinking about what could have happened and then this kinda happened!! It's not the best tbh but as I said in the tags, I don't write! I just needed a creative outlet a while ago (like... many weeks ago) and uh. I don't draw so... But honestly, I haven't written anything that wasn't academic in about 5 years now (and even then, it wasn't a Beatles fic), so I'm kiiiiiinda very rusty hahahah.

Scotland. New York. Separated by the Atlantic, and something more - something wider and deeper than any trench at the bottom of the ocean. 

Never before had they been this far apart; physically, spiritually or whatever else could describe the degree of separation they both faced. They were a partnership that the entire world knew about, always at each other’s sides, on the same wavelength, ever since they first met. The reality of their ‘partnership’ was so much deeper than anyone else could ever understand. Of course, their closest friends knew about the reality of their relationship, but even George and Ringo didn’t understand their shared mind space and the true depths of their relationship fully. Nothing had ever come between them like this before, not disagreements on songs, or the band's direction, not even the illegality of their relationship. They were completely inseparable, held together by the strongest bonds anyone could ever imagine. Until now. 

It was as if something had intercepted their mind space, come between the two men. Paul knew full well that this something was a someone, John’s current infatuation, the woman who persuaded him to drop everything he knew, move so far away, cut the rope that entwined the two, and wrapped herself up in it. Oftentimes, he wondered just how willing John had really been to go along with this, there was barely a build-up to it all, it just seemed to happen overnight, leaving Paul out in the cold, like a dog, wanting to come back into the familiar warmth he’d known for years. But John seemed to be happy now, nothing could get in his way, he was producing albums that the press adored, hanging out within art crowds. He had such a popular public persona; everyone loved him, ate up what he was doing, wished him the best in life, and the direct opposite to Paul. He’d taken the brunt of the blame for the band splitting, met all the hatred and upset that fans held onto, saw his albums being snubbed by critics. Their lives were so different now. For over a decade their lives had been running in parallel, doing the same things, having the same success, but now it had all changed; they were two separate entities now, no longer Lennon/McCartney, just Lennon and McCartney, former bandmates. 

Yet, A certain longing and yearning still connected them. a deep wish to go back to their teens, when all that mattered was having fun writing songs, exploring their love through the words they shared, exploring the country, and in later years, the rest of the world. Paul’s mind seemed to constantly return to Paris. Their city, the place they ended up for John’s fateful 21st. John asked Paul, not Cynthia, not Stu, but Paul, and there they made memories, memories to cling onto, when their beds felt empty despite the warmth of their wives beside them. They’d made promises to each other that would begin to crumble less than a decade later; promises that would be cut up, and remain as shatters where their hearts should rest. Paul would do anything to return to then, the dingy bedroom they stayed in, walking all day around the city, taking photographs that would later become some of their most precious belongings. It stung to know that John decided to have his honeymoon with Yoko in Paris. It was as if John was cutting and pasting Yoko over him in all their shared memories. He wouldn’t be surprised if John had done this literally, with all their photos together. Paris was their city, and yet John seemed to have forgotten that, taking Yoko to make new memories there, writing over their old ones. 

Unknown to him, John also thought of Paris just as often, and not his and Yoko’s Paris. Much akin to Paul, he missed Paris in 1961, pre-stardom, the start of their relationship becoming ‘real’. He missed cheap food and banana milkshakes, hitching rides with Paul and spending a week practically uninterrupted. He was tempted to never return back to Liverpool, just remain in Paris with Paul for the rest of his life, getting a job as an artist. The world was harsher then, but together they were strong enough to get through anything. Their future was happening right before their eyes; gigs across the Mersey would soon turn into residencies in Hamburg, which would pave the pathway for international stardom. Stadiums in America would end their touring years, but they still had the entire face of music to change through future albums, and while all this was going on, their love remained as warm as ever, burning brightly through it all. 

The fire was extinguished, and only embers remained. It would be a complete lie for Paul to say he didn’t love Linda; he completely adored her, admired her passion for life and work, the way she balanced everything that needed to be done, and still loved him despite his reliance on alcohol as a comfort, and overwhelming depressive state. He knew he was lucky to have a loving relationship like this, their children were such a blessing to him too, and every day he seemed to get a little better through Linda’s encouragement. Yet, something remained in him, something attaching him to John still, calling out for him; desiring reconciliation; a ’friendly meeting’ that would into reigniting their affair in some hotel somewhere, a night of them, holding each other, kissing each other, fucking each other, making up for all the time they lost since their final ’goodbye’. John felt much the same and wished he could just tell Paul everything, leave Yoko somehow, and hide with Paul forever, not even making music, just living life together like they would have if their music hadn’t got further than Hamburg. John would do his art, Paul would teach or something like that. They’d have a simple life together, and nothing else would matter ever. Just each other. No matter how much they both wished for it, it never came to fruition. 

John just continued ringing at stupid times in the morning, trying to wordlessly communicate with him. Sometimes, John would ring just gloat, comparing their music, bragging about his relationship with Yoko, trying to put himself on a higher plinth than Paul. However, sometimes he’d just ring, trying to get something across but not having the words for it. It was easier when they were with each other in person, they could read each other by heart, knowing exactly what the other needed, but now… It was so much more difficult with everything between them, not just the physical distance. Some nights they’d just sit there, on the phone, making light conversation to avoid anything they actually wanted to say, and it was tiring, but he didn’t want to cut john off completely. He hadn’t ever cut him off, not even when john released how do you sleep, the song that cut into everything paul ever did, and the salt in the wound was George and Klaus being involved in it. John had teamed up against paul, and all Paul had was Linda, to comfort him as he broke down from the cool exterior he was upholding when John rang to scathingly ask him what his thoughts were to the album, “track eight in particular”. Nowadays, it was just depressing silence; discussions of what they’d been doing that week, what they’d listened to, burying their feelings deep inside, ignoring how much they were trying to crawl out. 

Words hanging on the telephone line, sentences that once came as naturally as breathing were now all too difficult to say; remaining as regrets in each other’s minds, a dying thought, holding on by a hair, as the days turned slowly into months. With every shrill ring of the telephone, came deeper disillusionment for Paul, not understanding why his former beloved tried to contact him so much when he so publicly hated him, yet now, he never gloated down the phone, the novelty had probably worn off quickly. He was trying to rebuild his life, he had a family, a wife who understood as best as she could; trying to do everything possible to relieve Paul’s depression, save him from drowning in his own sorrow. 

He himself tried so hard to contact John once, maybe not even a year ago, but it was to no avail. He’d lost his John. John hated him, the whole world knew that yet he still rang, and with every impromptu call, Paul picked up. Some nights, Paul would initiate the calls, setting out to pour out his heart and persuade John to run away to Scotland and join him on their farm (leaving Yoko behind, of course), but when John picked up, all hope of going through with his plans disappeared. They were both stuck going in circles, with no hope of ever getting out. Both men wanted to see each other more than anything, but they could never make plans, not after everything that went on between them. Besides, Paul was convinced John wouldn’t want to see him, or Yoko wouldn’t even let him. Linda was much more understanding, occasionally threatening to ring up John herself and make plans between them. If only she knew the truth of their relationship. Maybe she did suspect something, he’d never heard of anyone being as deeply depressed as he was over losing someone who was just a friend, but regardless, she was determined to bring the two together, even just for a day, just to talk everything over. Paul stopped her from ringing John though, for reasons he just didn’t understand, he couldn’t bring himself to allowing Linda to just making a meeting between the two of them. Some of it was guilt, he assumed. Not wanting to upset Linda by reconciling his relationship with John. Some of it was fear too. He didn’t want to be completely rejected by John. He was afraid that John really did hate him, despite their weird, late-night phone calls. ‘Dear Friend’ was as close as he would let himself get to telling John how he really felt, and he didn’t even know if John had listened to it. He felt stupid asking him. How would he bring it up? _“Hey I know you hate me, but what did you think of Wild Life?... What did you think of Dear Friend… Did you listen? Did you hear me telling you I’m still in love with you?”_ He’d feel stupid. He couldn’t just expose himself to John like that. It’d give John a leg up, something to taunt him with. He knew he’d never tell the press, but he couldn’t stop imagining what would happen if they’d got a hold onto the knowledge that Paul loved John like _that._ He could imagine the headlines, the scandal that would follow him, Linda and their children around for the rest of time. It wasn’t worth bringing up. He’d just have to wait for John to if he ever would. 

He **had** listened to it, and he felt guilty. He’d had so much fun making ‘How Do You Sleep’. He wanted to get back at Paul, but he didn’t ever expect Paul to reply like this! That was such an issue for him. With anything else, he could just ring and taunt Paul by it, but now… he had no way to respond. He couldn’t get it out of his mind. His confidence (albeit, somewhat faked) had completely disappeared and left him vulnerable. He was replaying Paul’s gentle confession. Telling the world that he was in love with a _friend._ Telling John he was in love with _him_ . His feelings were reciprocated completely, but he couldn’t reply in any way. He couldn’t write about it, couldn’t ring Paul about it no matter how hard he tried, and obviously couldn’t tell Yoko about it. She hated Paul. He was left grasping at straws over what to do. He had nobody to talk to about this. In the early days, he’d unload all his feelings onto Stu, who knew exactly what to say and what to do. Stu had been gone for nearly a decade now, leaving John on his own to fight his way through his feelings for Paul, and it worked! But nothing could’ve ever prepared him for… whatever their relationship was now. He couldn’t turn to anybody. He had to figure this out by himself, but no matter how hard he thought, he couldn’t come up with a solution. Paul’s life seemed like a mystery to him, but he knew that he was happy with Linda, he was happy being a dad. He was doing a job he loved and living an ideal life, completely away from the outside world. John didn’t want to interrupt this, despite Paul calling out for him through his music. He just couldn’t bring himself to ask about _them_ and where he stood in relation to Paul, and what the possibility of a future between them was. Not even a future _together_ , just a future where they kept good contact, and saw each other often, and remained as close friends, even though he knew that all he wanted was to get back with Paul. He wanted to go back in time and stop this all, maybe the band _would_ still break up, but he’d have his Paul, and they’d never ever get to such a rotten stalemate like the one they were trapped in now. “Next time, I’ll ask… I’ll just tell him I liked the album and...wish him the best with his band.” John thought to himself, not wanting to expose himself too much. Maybe he’d ring that night, maybe he’d have to wait forever and just do it when he was next high or drunk. He didn’t want it to end up being like most of their calls, where they leave everything too late, chickening out of admitting that they miss each other, and want to see each other. It was frustrating, getting nowhere with each other, stuck on the phone for hours, not wanting to say bye, yet not knowing what to actually say. Once they were open books with each other, now it was as if they were complete strangers. Strangers who deeply loved each other yet couldn’t...wouldn’t do anything about it, even though they both longed to be back together. The once fairly simple lines were completely muddled up, and neither truly knew how to reorganise them. 

Every day, as Paul went about his work on the farm, John was somewhat on his mind. Thoughts of what his life could be like now if he hadn’t...ruined everything with him. If he’d gotten rid of Yoko, protected John from her and… not ruined the band. He was just trying to salvage everything, but completely blamed himself for everything that happened; a feeling that was only solidified by George’s contributions to ‘How Do You Sleep’. Little did he know, that John felt much the same. Picturing Paul accompanying him to whatever he did throughout the day, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for his current situation with Paul. He’d been so harsh with him, so uncaring of his feelings in their final days, so ignorant to what his words could do. He knew that Mal had taken care of Paul while Linda was away, but at the time he just thought Paul was being overly dramatic for not getting his own way with the future of the band. Now, looking back from where he was, he regretted every word. He should have been with Paul, not Mal. He should have been aware of the consequences of his words. It wasn’t like the whole Jesus situation. It was so much more important than that. He’d upset the most important man in the world to him, and to him, it was his fault that Paul had spiralled into the depressive state he was stuck in for so long. Thank God for Linda, he thought to himself, not ever wanting to think about what could have happened had he not had Linda to look after him, help him better himself. They both regretted their past actions, they’d created such an awful situation for themselves, and yeah, they enjoyed life with their respective wives and families, the connection they had couldn’t be beaten by anything. 

John had had enough of waiting around, waiting for Paul to initiate something. He was determined to ring Paul and set them both on the right track to reconciliation. He just needed to get rid of Yoko for the night, maybe there’d be an art exhibition on that he could become too ill to attend, or he could pretend to be working on a surprise for her, needing time to himself. Regardless, he needed enough time to work up the courage to speak his mind to Paul; something that had once again, become incredibly difficult. Gone were the days when he refused to speak his mind in fear of being seen as feminine, he just knew he couldn’t handle rejection from Paul. That would ruin everything. He’d never be able to speak to Paul again if that were the case. But, he desperately needed to properly talk to Paul, not bragging, not showing off how popular he was, and how amazing his life with Yoko is, but just talk to him, like they used to, to try and lay the foundations to start over again. Not something completely new, but something to kickstart rebuilding their relationship. He wanted Paul back, and that wasn’t going to happen overnight, but hopefully, Paul would put in the effort too, and they’d begin to work over the huge hurdle they had created for themselves, and build a shared future. Deep down, John hoped that it’d revert to something romantic, but he could cope with it remaining platonic, even if it would be somewhat awkward. He’d just have to see how things progressed - he doubted Paul even wanted to be friends with him again, despite his almost religious obsession with ‘Dear Friend’. His own insecurities were preventing him from talking to the one person who knew all of his secrets, the singular person who was an expert in reading him and knowing what he wanted. He couldn’t deal with it if all this would be lost forever, so he knew he needed to try… but the idea of Paul rejecting him was upon his mind again, just as it was when he was a teenager, only this time, he was completely alone. 


	2. Chapter 2

Yoko was finally out of the house, seeing one of her friends’ art exhibitions in another city. She’d surprisingly left John at home, which gave him the perfect opportunity to ring Paul, but he couldn’t bring himself to just pick up the phone and dial Paul’s number, even though he’d been planning on  _ finally _ calling Paul to actually speak to him for months now. He’d phoned Paul in the past, late at night, just to hear him, to speak complete nonsense to him, but he knew he had to  _ actually _ speak to him now before it was really too late. Initially, he’d put it off, hoping Paul would end up having some business in New York and would decide to just pop in to see John while he was around. Would he know how to react to Paul just randomly showing up?  **No.** Would he probably cry and not let go of Paul?  **Most definitely.** Phoning him in advance was clearly a much safer option and he knew that. It gave them both space, no obligations to respond to each other and even the option of just putting the phone down and never ringing back (the thought of which absolutely terrified John). 

Hovering around the phone, pacing back and forth, his mind was plagued by what if’s. What if Paul saw him as second best. What if Paul told him to fuck off. What if Paul just repeated one of his scathing remarks to him. He didn’t even know what to say, it had been so long since they’d last properly spoken, as in, having a full, in-depth conversation and even then… it was a horrible, spiteful conversation that had led to Paul just hanging up on him. John had sort of apologised, sending a postcard to Paul, that simply read  _ ‘sorry’ _ ; for a published author/poet, apologising had really left him at a loss, and he couldn’t face up to  _ saying  _ sorry. He was surprised when Paul had rung him to tell him that he’d got the postcard, as he really expected Paul to recognise the writing and rip it up immediately. But now… he needed to have a serious talk with Paul, they both needed to air their dirty laundry and just speak. And maybe… just maybe, they’d make plans for the future, 

What the fuck would he even say? “Run away with me?” “Can  _ I _ run away and live with  _ you _ ?” “I’m still madly and deeply in love with you will you take me back please I’ll do anything?”. It was as if they didn’t know each other at all; he’d had so long to think about what he was going to say, but his mind drew blanks every single time. He just wanted Paul back. Just to be back in Paul’s arms, the one place that brought him true comfort no matter what. Not that he expected Paul to ever want that again, Paul had a happy life now, something John thought he could never ever give him. It must have been exhausting for Paul, looking after him for all those years, reassuring him over the smallest things, never putting his emotions down… and what did he get in return? 

Paul had tried so damn hard to salvage anything at all in their final years, he was desperate, and John had left him at his most vulnerable. He’d heard Paul practically begging in ‘Oh! Darling’ and ‘The Long and Winding Road’ and just… shrugged it off to his face, prioritising Yoko above all. He was a complete arsehole to Paul, who, in retrospect, really didn’t do anything to deserve the complete and utter heartbreak he’d been put through. God,  _ he _ didn’t deserve to talk to Paul. He was surprised Paul always stayed on the line when he’d rang before, even though each time he couldn’t say anything, his throat filled with fear and regret, not wanting to say something wrong and further distance he and Paul.

And yet, deep down, he just wanted to empty his heart out and then hand it to Paul once again, just hoping with his whole body that Paul would treat it gently and tenderly like he used to; when he was always aware of John’s feelings, constantly looking out for him. He’d  _ always _ been kind, and that was precisely what John needed. The familiar kindness he’d grown accustomed to, that he’d ripped himself away from and for what? As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew he couldn’t go on like this, without Paul. For so long now, he’d tried to be just John Lennon, with no connection to Paul, but it wouldn’t work for much longer. This was his breaking point; he needed Paul to be properly in his life again. He didn’t ever want to become so reliant on him again like he was for all those years after Julia had died. All he needed was the familiarity and knowledge that he wasn’t going to be left. Everybody  _ had _ left him up until that point, and his biggest anxieties stemmed from his fear of everyone he held dear leaving him. That was one of the main holdbacks he originally had, in relation to getting close to Paul. It would have broken him then and it would still break him now if he was to completely leave him forever. 

His reliance on Paul had just sort of _happened_ in the first place anyway, they could just connect on so many levels and their personalities balanced each other out almost perfectly. He had just _sort of_ fallen in love with him and finding out Paul felt the same way was, well, beyond anything words could possibly describe. But those months, so long ago now, of not wanting to do anything about his ‘crush’ on him were depressingly painful, and that’s how he felt now, just ten thousand times worse because he **HAD** had a relationship with him, he’d gotten everything he wanted (aside from fame) and now… he’d thrown it all away, or as Paul had put it, he’d gotten his lucky break and broken it in two. Not to mention that his public persona with Yoko had become massive, they were an iconic couple, the avant-garde artist and her ex-Beatle husband. John had broken so many unspoken rules and brought her into the studio; listened solely to her creative advice and allowed her to help out with songs for their albums. Paul had every right to get married to Linda. He’d never brought her into their sacred spaces, she took photos of them, sure, but her presence was hardly noticeable, they’d had photographers in before, there was nothing out of the ordinary. John had all of his free time taken up by Yoko, going to galleries, making art, being activists, so naturally, Paul followed suit and made plans with Linda and her daughter Heather. Paul had a _real_ family. He’d adopted Heather now too. John had Julian who he really wished he was a better father to; Jules was probably closer to Paul, and honestly, he couldn’t blame him for it. Between then and now, they’d seen homosexuality be decriminalised in England and Wales, something they really didn’t see coming as soon as it did. The world was slowly becoming more accepting of people like them, and yet they didn’t have each other to go through it all with, unless.. maybe this would work out, and by some magic turn of events, Paul would leave Linda and move in with John, and help to raise Julian alongside Cynthia. That was the ultimate dream, but he didn’t expect anything like that. He just wanted Paul to be his friend again...his best friend. 

To get to that point again, he knew he had to take action, and now was the best time for it, unless of course, time travel had been invented, and John could just put an end to all of this before it had even begun. Until then, though, he had to take the steps needed to reconcile with Paul. He’d gotten them into this mess, so he’d get them out. 

He stopped his pacing and shakily grabbed the receiver, punching in Paul’s number one by one. It would be around six for Paul, he’d hopefully be finished for the day and had enough time to talk to John for as long as he needed. Maybe Linda would be out of the house too, leaving just he and Paul practically alone together, giving them both enough space to talk without anyone else listening in. The phone line rang, slowly connecting him to Paul. It was a long wait and the ringing seemed to go on forever and ever. Anticipation filled John’s entire body, he was so nervous, he hadn’t rehearsed what to say or anything! If Paul didn’t pick up he’d have to try again, maybe later that night, or whenever he was alone again, free from Yoko’s prying ears. The line continually rang and rang. John partially understood, they were miles and miles away from each other; John was just lucky he didn’t have to worry about the cost of the call, it’d be a hefty bill even if they only spoke for five minutes. He was growing more impatient by the second, just wanting Paul to pick up now so he’d have him on the line at least, and he could  _ maybe _ bullshit his way through the first few minutes while he planned what to say. 

“Fucking hell Paul, just pick up already won’t you?” 

“Alright John, no need to be  _ that _ impatient with me, it’s not like we’re close anyway…” replied Paul, a slight tone of amusement coming through his voice.

“Paul… fuck. It was just ringing and ringing and ringing… I didn’t think you were gonna answer and I was tired and-”

“What do you want John?” Paul asked. He sounded tired, fed up maybe. “This is early for  _ you _ , I thought you were a fan or the press or something. I don’t know what compelled me to pick up but... You normally call in the very early hours of the morning.” 

“Are you alone?”

“What? It’s the middle of the evening, what do you  _ want” _

“I just wanna know if you’re alone. Is Linda in the house or what?”

“No… She’s out at a friend’s place right now. What’s it to you, John. The last time you rang at a normal time you’d released… well. Y’know.”

“You  _ know _ I’m sorry! And you hardly took it that hard did you, ringing me up once ye’ had that postcard, answering the phone whenever I call. Hell,  _ you’ve _ called me since then.” John almost spat back, regaining his composure so he didn’t scare Paul off. He had a rare chance here, he had to do everything he could to keep Paul on the line and listen to him.

“What do you want John. Just tell me, don’t lead me- Don’t just make me look like a fool. Again.” 

“I, I uh,” John stuttered, his anxiety getting the better of him in the moment. “I listened to Wild Life, Paul. I...heard Dear Friend.” John replied, wanting to calm Paul down as fast as he could, so he didn’t hang up, saying the first thing that came into his head. “I’m the fool here, aren’t I.”

“...taken you long enough, hasn’t it?” 

“I...I jus’ didn’t know what to say Paul… How did you expect me to respond to it?”

“It’s been months, John. Why are you calling me now? You left me hanging again. I didn’t even know you’d heard it. You’ve never brought it up in a call since then. Why now?” 

“C-course I had… why wouldn’t I! But how did you expect me to talk to you after that?” Maybe this wasn’t the best way to open the conversation, John thought after asking Paul. He didn’t know where he was going from here. He’d trapped himself in a place where he almost  _ had to _ open up about his vulnerabilities. 

“Well you’re doing it now, aren’t you? Are you gonna make some more digs at me? I don’t have the time for that anymore John.”

“I- no Paul… God no. The opposite… I’ve been thinking y’see, and Yoko is out of town right now so I can actually speak to you…”

Paul sighed, clearly exhausted from the mention of her alone.

“I just needed the time and space. ‘S why I asked if Linda was about too.”

“So…?” Paul coolly replied; John felt like hanging up now, he’d gotten off on the wrong foot and trapped himself between a rock and a hard place. 

“Do you… y’know…” he began, not really knowing himself.

“Do I what?”

“Do you… wanna, I dunno, come see me, or somethin’. Linda could go and visit her family, we could go around the city in disguise…”

“It’s been months, John. I’m back on my feet now… anyway, Yoko’s not going to let you see me, is she?” 

“Can we at least just be friends again? Just… us...If you’re in New York, I’m here… If I’m over there… y’know...”

“That was the point of the song, John. Surely you knew that…”

“Yeah… Uh… I did…” John replied, something in him wanting him to ask Paul if he was still in love with him like he’d sung, but knowing full well that Paul wouldn’t admit to it. Not here, not now.

“It’s just difficult… We’ve never been apart like this, until you… until you met her… we’d barely ever spend time apart.”

“Do you miss it? Do you ever just… think back to then… I know your life is perfect now but... “

Paul scoffed at that statement, before softening up somewhat. “‘Course I miss it… I miss us... And uh, George and Ringo…It’s just hard, adjusting to it all…” Paul laughed through his nose a little. “I didn’t even think you wanted me back in your life...” he added so softly that John just caught him saying it. If it was any quieter and he’d have mistaken it for a bad phone line. John wanted to cry again. Speaking to Paul was just a reminder of his mistakes, a reminder of everything he’d done wrong to him. He’d deeply hurt the person he loved the most, and here he was, speaking to him, after everything he’d been put through. Maybe there was a beacon of hope somewhere here, it just needed to be unearthed and tended to. 

“We can make it work…” John replied, unusually optimistically. “No, wait… We can work it out…” he corrected himself, singing along to their song that simultaneously felt like it was written hundreds of years ago as well as being written yesterday. He found himself cracking a smile and a light laugh, hoping it would do the same for Paul. 

“Ever the comedian, aren’t you John?” he responded, and John could sense he’d found it even the slightest bit funny, which was such a relief to him. “But, I mean… there’s no time like the present, I guess… and we’re both on the phone now…”

“So we can start over?”

“Something like that, yeah. I’d… I’d love to.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't ever think I'd write more but. well, i had many emotions and I didn't know what to do with them, whoops.
> 
> THANK YOU for all the lovely comments on the first chapter <333333333
> 
> You can find me on tumblr here
> 
> Any feedback whatsoever is so appreciated!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr HERE
> 
> PLEASE tell me what you think and be honest!!  
> idk if I'll ever write anything in the future, it's been a long while and I much prefer to read other people's work!!


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